Funthusia

After the really unsuccessful Part 1 & 2, here’s presenting the Part 3 of the series that prides itself on being the poorest reality show on Planet. Financially bhi aur Qualitatively bhi.

In the previous edition, you were shown the insanely boring auditions of Aamir Khan. Sameer, in all his capacity will try to make sure that this segment of auditions is even more boring.

Well,to begin with I appointed a reporter to help me relax and watch some naughty America videos. So today’s episode will be taken care of by my able reporter Girihiridhari.

Protests erupt in the poorest reality show on TV.

2nd November, 2008
Sarsole Gaon, Mumbai

Laaj Thokray and the people of ‘Mala Publicity Dena’ group started protesting against the channel for selecting an unfair jury.
To put it in the words of Laaj Thokray,

“This tyranny shall not be tolerated. What is this? You are running the show in our city and you don’t have a Marathi Judge. Some Marathi musicians are also unemployed but who are you taking ISMAIL DARBAR? We will not let this happen. We will damage your property.”

The members of the group did try to destroy some property but failed as they couldn’t find any. You see being the poorest show on TV does have some benefits.

Girihiridhari Kumar,
Funthusia News Network
girihiridhari@funthusia.com

After Aamir the next person to enter the show was Tusshar Kapoor.

(Tusshar Kapoor enters.)

Saroj Khan (exclaims):

Arey baap re, ye kaunsa languor aa gaya.

(Langoor Angoor khaake bolta hai.)

Tusshar Kapoor:

Log mujhe Tusshar Kapoor kehte hai!

Farhan Akhtar:

Arey haan… Tu wohi hai na jiski behenke serial me saas log bhi ekdum mast jaam sexy transparent saree pehenti hai…

Tusshar Kapoor:

Haan re… Wohi hai main.

Farhan Akhtar:

Good, Good, very good. Tere ko maloom hai kya apna woh picture aaya tha na … Rock On!! Usme maine director ko bola, apne ko heroine waste ek mast K-serial ki saas chahiye. Par saala Director ne mujhe kya diya… Bachi Desai… mera matlab… Prachi Desai…

Tusshar Kapoor:

Aisa Kya!

Ismail Darbar:

Barobar bola Farhan Bhai. Agar meri saas aisi hoti toh mere liye ek nayi gaali invent karni padti thi..

Farhan Akhtar:

Lemme Guess… Saasu C**d.

(Ismail and Farhan apne iss sense of humor par bahut haste hai.)

Saroj Khan:

Sheh… Mere daamaad aise kyun nahi hain.

(Tusshar Kapoor ne socha ki ye lok bahut paka rahe hain… Aur usne interrupt kiya)

Tusshar Kapoor:

Bhai saab, aap mera audition lenge.

Ismail Darbar:

Haan re lega lega.

Tusshar Kapoor:

To Phir lena.

Ismail Darbar:

Arey leta hai na… Tu Tension kai ko leta hai. Chal munna tuu mereko yeh bata ki tere liye rock kya hota hai…

Tusshar Kapoor:

Rock for me means a lot. Whenever I do a show, people throw different kinds of rocks for me. You wouldn’t believe it, but I know more about rocks than any living geologist… be it igneous, metamorphic…

(Ismail Darbar Interrupts. And then takes out something from his purse and throws it towards him.)

Ismail Darbar:

Take this rock. Study it!!

Tusshar kapoor:

Thank you… Thank you very much sir.

(Forensic reports suggest that the rock was actually hardened faecal matter of a member of the Darbar Dynasty. Experts also believe that 200 years down the line, it’s gonna sell for a lot of money.)

The next person to come was Bulla Loe Armstrong. His name had a meaning, he claimed:-

“Aggar aap apne bulla ko lete rahoge… toh aapka Arm Strong ho jayega.”

And Bulla ka naam sunte hi one sardarji appeared out of nowhere and started singing…

“Bullllaa Ki Jaana Main Kaaaaauuuun.”

Iske baad, na toh usne aage ka gaana gaaya, naa hi usne gaana band kiya. Show ke sab log bore ho gaye, bilkul waise jaise abhi aap bore ho rahe hain.

In this critical situation, Saroj Khan ne apna kamaal dikhaaya.

Aankhon ki ek matak and cleavage ki ek jhatak aur bas— Rabbi Shergill ye shaher chhod ke bhaag gaya.

Bulla Loe Armstrong, however seemed interested. Usko apni Arm jo strong karni thi. He and Saroj Khan did something which we cannot cover here because this is a family blog(Lol).

And thus with extreme relief and intense sukoon, the show came to an end.

I know ki isse padhne ke baad tumhara dimaag damage ho gaya hoga… par koi baat nahi, jo cheez pehle se hi damaged hai use thoda aur damage karne me kya problem hai. After all, Navratan Tel ke manufacturers mujhe isi baat ka toh paisa dete hain.

(To be Continued.. )

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After the really unsuccessful Part 1, here’s presenting the Part 2 of the poorest reality show on the Planet. I mean literally poor. Not Qualitatively.

To begin with, the Rock Kaun Auditions was a low budget affair. The contestants were served contaminated water. As a result, many contestants fainted and the turnout became really low. Only 5 of the contestants survived. The sick ones were rushed to the nearest Baba Ramdev ka Shivir.

Channel Heads said that it was actually a resilience test.

Moving on, Pee TV released the theme song, which has been composed by Pritam. Rumors are on that the song has been copied from a latest Bollywood hit called Rock On!

Anyways, here’s the song:

Asli Rock Kaun Hai?

Tumhe Kya Main Bataau…

Tum Ye Samjhoge Shaayad main paagal huun…

Yeh Bakte Bakte Main toh bore ho gaya huu…

Phir bhi ek last baar main yeh sabse keh duu…

Rock kaun?

Mujhe Pata Nahi Saala..

Rock Kaun?

Poochta huun main dobaara..

Rock Kaun?

Yeh dhoondne ko chala main…

Rock Kaun?

Anish, Shreya, ya Harjeet Nara.

Sameer wrote the lyrics for the above song. Not me Sameer. But the lyricist Sameer. The same Sameer who has written masterpieces like “Shaka Laka Boom Boom”, “Tandoori Nights” and yeah he is the man behind… “Tera Tera Tera Surooooooooooooooor….”

I am sure they will remain as classics for the next 500 cr. Years.

The auditions began at 7:00 pm. The first contestant to enter was (guess who?) Aamir Khan. Aamir who had successfully survived the epidemic was dressed rather unconventionally.

Ismail Darbar:

Come in, what’s your name?

Aamir:

I am Aamir Khan.

(Saroj Khan has fainted. No, not because of Aamir but because of a strange stinking smell.)

Farhan Akhtar (with his hands over his nose):

Oh my god, How come you are like this?

Aamir:

Actually, I am playing the role of an unemployed music director in my next film. The story goes somewhat like this… The Music Director after being rejected by every director in the country finds solace in judging reality shows. It’s a film on a social issue you know… Inshallah, it‘ll go to the Oscars.

(Farhan has fainted too.)

Ismail:

Wow… That is such a wonderful script that you have.

Aamir:

Thank you… Thank you.

Ismail:

Moreover, I do not understand as to why the heck are you here.

Aamir:

It’s called Method Acting you know.

Ismail:

What?

Aamir:

Urm… See to fit the role of an unemployed music director. I have done the following things:-

1. Not Shaved for 7 months 2 days 4 hours.

2. Not had a bath for 3 months 2 1 days 19 hours.

3. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I lost count of the no. of hours I have gone without brushing. I know it’s highly unprofessional of me but I will surely keep this in mind for the rest of my life.

Ismail:

Oh.. So you must have acquired the stink for the required part.

Aamir:

No.. not even after taking such extreme measures. The director who happens to be a close associate of yours has said that you are the Badshah of Stink. And that I should learn from you.

Ismail:

Hmmm… Come here.

(Aamir does go there. Ismail reveals his arm pit.)

Now this is what you call STINK.

(Aamir is fascinated. He brings a device to calculate the amount of toxins released into the air so that he could replicate the smell.)

Also, everyone but the two have fainted; Even the Cameraman.

And yeah, even I fainted while watching the hidden tapes of this show. So no more footage to be read now. It’ll all be there in the next issue. Until Then,

Keep Ismaaeeling.

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It’s fun to have your lunch during periods… real periods. But things can surely go wrong. Here’s presenting the Part 1 of the Sameer and the Lunch Box Saga.

———-

Arun: (yawning)

What period is this.. zzzzzzero or first..??

Sameer:

First it is. This is so bloody damn boring man..

Arun:

Yeah seriously… By the way what did you bring for lunch…?

Sameer:

Urm.. Let’s see…

(Sameer sees it.. and the lunch is good.. It’s the lipsmacking BUTTER CHICKEN… Now, It takes a vegetarian to not salivate at its mention.)

Woah.. It is butter chicken.

Arun: (salivates as expected..)

Hmm… So what are you waiting for… just open that thing and we shall eat it now.

Sameer:

Now?

Arun:

Yes Now.

Sameer:

What man? Are you crazy?? This things gonna get us caught..

Arun:

No Man!! Chill!! I have done this before and I’ll be doing it afterwards also.. Just open the lunch box dude..

(Sameer gets the thing out… and both of them begin eating. Boy at the bench before them smells something delicious and turns back.)

Rahul:

Hmmm… I smell something here… Are you guys like eating or something.

(Arun is dissapointed that he’ll have to split the booty, but then he is happy also as making Rahul happy is always a good thing.)

Arun:

It’s chicken… butter chicken… Now don’t ask anything else and follow my instructions.

Rahul: (salivates at the mention of butter chicken.)

WHAT am I supposed to do?

Sameer:

Just eat what’s being passed to you.

(Sameer passes some roti and butter chicken from under the table.)

Arun:

WoW Man…It tastes so good… Much better than what it would have tasted during the lunch break.

(The lunch gets over… and just as Sameer is about to place it back… It Falls.)

Thann!!!

(End of part 1)

Part 2 coming soon.

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