Funthusia

Jeffrey Archer was scheduled to be in Infiniti Mall, Andheri… at 7 pm yesterday.

Next thing, I told my Mom…

“Mummy… Jeffrey Archer is coming to Mumbai today and I want to go…”

“Jeffrey Archer…who Jeffrey Archer…”

“The writer mom… those english novels that you see there are written by him.”

“Oh… Why do you want go then… buy the book.”

“Mom… this is one guy I really love… And want to meet.”

“But that doesn’t mean you’ll go all the way to Andheri… You’ve never been there… And mumbai is not a safe city… Anyone else coming with you.”

“No mom… No one appreciates the genius of Jeffrey Archer… and those who do are girls… and I can’t ask them out.”

After much fighting and shiting… I finally managed to convince mom about this going shoing…

But by the time I left I had no idea as to how far Andheri was from my place…  I left at 5:00 pm and the whole journey and my struggle to be there by 7:00 pm  was a toned down version of Johnny Depp’s “Nick of Time.”

So many… “Ah! I’ll make it safely now… before 7..”

and “Shit!! Am gonna be so late… that by the time I reach there tall guys infront of me, would not let me see..” moments, that I have  almost lost count.

Finally, I made it… That too on time…

But the tall guys were still there… Obstructing  me from seeing archer…

Slowly, I moved to the front row of standing people. You see the point, It is damn advantageous to be as  thin as I am.

Now without further ado.. I’ll move straight to the point. Lord Jeffrey Archer as he was referred to… really showed us why he was one of the bestselling authors in the world.

He began with his writing schedule… and he went on to some really interesting topics without breaking anyone’s attention even for a microsecond.

“You can be No. 1 in the new york times, No. 1 in the daily mail, no. 1 in the sydeny herald… but the real success is when they sell you at the traffic signals of India…”

Ah… I am sentimental.

“My first novel ‘Not a penny more, Not a penny less’ got rejected 17 times by different publishers… now that’s one thing I’ve beat Jk Rowling at.. her Harry Potter was rejected only 15 times…”

WTF!! :-O

“Honesty in writing is writing what you like and not what you think people will like.”

Very true… Refer to my Sattar Minute post to believe it.

“The boys are not gonna be very pleased… But from what i have seen in India, girls are smarter.”

Sir… the boys know they are smart.. it’s only the girls who need a little bit of encouragement…

“Twenty 20 is not cricket… Cricket is a match between India and England at lords with India 23/7… Tendulkar not… Dravid Not… Ganguly not…”

And Kumble Century Sir…

“I never thought I’d say this… But after seeing you guys… I’d have to say that the italians are cautious people… I guess we have killed 23 people in order to be here.”

Lolz..

“An interviewer once said to me… “I’ll never be able to sell 100 million copies sir… so I’ll just write a book that gets me a booker prize.’ “

More Lolz..

“Thank you… Thanks for coming.”

That’s all he said…to me. Said that it to everyone but still it means a lot to me…

Then came the autograph part… and I did some really stupid ingenious things which I am pretty sure you would not want to know…

Kya, you want to know… So here I go…

1) I have a bad habit… which didn’t seem bad until yesterday. I autograph the books that I buy with quotes like…

“Late to be and Late to rise, makes a woman funny sexy and nice..”

Now, yesterday… the book that I got autographed was already autographed by me. So his autograph went on top. On the brighter note… Me and Archer share a page.

2) Psst… Old books were not allowed. You had to buy it from the store where the event took place. I did not want to spent that much money so I got a 50 bux fountain novel in… and he signed it… woah.

Ingenious No.

Ciao, Tschuss, Alvida, Adios, Au Revoir, etc. etc. [good showoff na]

Sameer Jha

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After the really unsuccesful first version…Here comes the second version.

Libra:

If you are underage then there is a huge possibility that your parents will get to know about your porn watching habits. Yes…Don’t think much. Go ahead and delete all your porn and don’t even dare backing it up.

Scorpio:

Dude, you rock big time…you are a scorpion and scorpions are intrinsically very very lucky. Whatever you do in your life will succeed. You are obviously the most sexy guy/girl in your class so you’ll get your mate of choice this week. FYI, I am a Scorpio.

Sagittarius:

I hate to break this news to you…but from this very moment you will not be able to download any porn on your computer. It’s a virus that has been transmitted from this blog to your comp which stops the download of any kind of porn. Moreover, you deserved this.

Capricorn:

Thank god you’ve read this. Because now you can’t tell that you weren’t warned. From this very moment if you eat outside food, you’re surely gonna lose all of your hair. And you will not get them back. Not even by hair weaving. Sacchhi.

Aquarius:

Aqua huh…you will not get the chance to brush your teeth for the whole week this week. Why? Because there will be no aqua aka water in your house. Moreover, the girl you have a secret crush on will come to kiss you…For obvious reasons she won’t come again ever after.

Pisces:

Hey congrats dude…You are bound to become a Preeti Jhangiani fan for life this week. My unmentionable ball is telling it to me. May god bless you dude. I can’t say anything else.

And the most important thing. To get rid of all these bad luck for your zodiac (except scorpio) you have to do one simple deed…and that is to subscribe to my feed.

That’s My Feed…Click on it.

And if you have always been bowled over by what is a feed question then you can use the email subscription widget at the right hand(for me) side of this blog.

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Lo…And Behold…

I am just about to predict your future by gazing into my eh…non-mentionable ball.

So Be ready to read the TRUTH…Muhahahahahahaha…

Aries:

Ah…What can I say? Your wife’s gonna run away with your driver…Yippeee…For ladies I hate to break this, but your husband only runs to reduce his weight. To do other stuff he saves his energy by just walking.

Taurus:

From this moment Rakhi Sawant and her really ossum and saxy song “Dekhta Hai Tuu Kya” from Krazzy 4 will feature in all of your dreams.  Also you’ll kick yourself for not watching Bigg Boss: Kadi Nazar Solid Assar..

Gemini:

You’ll realise that youe best friend or roommate has started following the homosexual alternate way of life. So be scared and be very scared…Unless and until you too see the world with a different eye…

Cancer:

D’oh…In this week you’ll try Shahnaz Hussain’s Fair One for Men to get fair…See Shahnaz Hussain herself to get an idea of what you’ll resemble after one week. Muhahahahahaha….

Leo:

You’ll be very lucky this week…You will be labeled a Dyslexic…and hey guess what…the Taare Zameen Par effect will make a lot of people sympathetic with you.

Virgo:

Dude…I pity your luck. Firstly, according to the Hindi name of your Zodiac you are a “Kanya” even though you belong to the masculine sex…Heehaw. And if that humiliation wasn’t enough you’ll barf in your class/office and the puke’s gonna decorate your teacher/boss.

PS: Rest of the Zodiac’s covered tomorrow…

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