Funthusia

After the really unsuccessful Part 1, here’s presenting the Part 2 of the poorest reality show on the Planet. I mean literally poor. Not Qualitatively.

To begin with, the Rock Kaun Auditions was a low budget affair. The contestants were served contaminated water. As a result, many contestants fainted and the turnout became really low. Only 5 of the contestants survived. The sick ones were rushed to the nearest Baba Ramdev ka Shivir.

Channel Heads said that it was actually a resilience test.

Moving on, Pee TV released the theme song, which has been composed by Pritam. Rumors are on that the song has been copied from a latest Bollywood hit called Rock On!

Anyways, here’s the song:

Asli Rock Kaun Hai?

Tumhe Kya Main Bataau…

Tum Ye Samjhoge Shaayad main paagal huun…

Yeh Bakte Bakte Main toh bore ho gaya huu…

Phir bhi ek last baar main yeh sabse keh duu…

Rock kaun?

Mujhe Pata Nahi Saala..

Rock Kaun?

Poochta huun main dobaara..

Rock Kaun?

Yeh dhoondne ko chala main…

Rock Kaun?

Anish, Shreya, ya Harjeet Nara.

Sameer wrote the lyrics for the above song. Not me Sameer. But the lyricist Sameer. The same Sameer who has written masterpieces like “Shaka Laka Boom Boom”, “Tandoori Nights” and yeah he is the man behind… “Tera Tera Tera Surooooooooooooooor….”

I am sure they will remain as classics for the next 500 cr. Years.

The auditions began at 7:00 pm. The first contestant to enter was (guess who?) Aamir Khan. Aamir who had successfully survived the epidemic was dressed rather unconventionally.

Ismail Darbar:

Come in, what’s your name?

Aamir:

I am Aamir Khan.

(Saroj Khan has fainted. No, not because of Aamir but because of a strange stinking smell.)

Farhan Akhtar (with his hands over his nose):

Oh my god, How come you are like this?

Aamir:

Actually, I am playing the role of an unemployed music director in my next film. The story goes somewhat like this… The Music Director after being rejected by every director in the country finds solace in judging reality shows. It’s a film on a social issue you know… Inshallah, it‘ll go to the Oscars.

(Farhan has fainted too.)

Ismail:

Wow… That is such a wonderful script that you have.

Aamir:

Thank you… Thank you.

Ismail:

Moreover, I do not understand as to why the heck are you here.

Aamir:

It’s called Method Acting you know.

Ismail:

What?

Aamir:

Urm… See to fit the role of an unemployed music director. I have done the following things:-

1. Not Shaved for 7 months 2 days 4 hours.

2. Not had a bath for 3 months 2 1 days 19 hours.

3. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I lost count of the no. of hours I have gone without brushing. I know it’s highly unprofessional of me but I will surely keep this in mind for the rest of my life.

Ismail:

Oh.. So you must have acquired the stink for the required part.

Aamir:

No.. not even after taking such extreme measures. The director who happens to be a close associate of yours has said that you are the Badshah of Stink. And that I should learn from you.

Ismail:

Hmmm… Come here.

(Aamir does go there. Ismail reveals his arm pit.)

Now this is what you call STINK.

(Aamir is fascinated. He brings a device to calculate the amount of toxins released into the air so that he could replicate the smell.)

Also, everyone but the two have fainted; Even the Cameraman.

And yeah, even I fainted while watching the hidden tapes of this show. So no more footage to be read now. It’ll all be there in the next issue. Until Then,

Keep Ismaaeeling.

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Pee TV, a mainstream entertainment channel, has launched a new reality show by the name of “Rock Kaun.” According to Suhaas Bandra, this particular show is a hunt to unearth the Hidden Rocks of our country.

When we asked its judge Farhan Akhtar to say a few words about this show and why has he been picked up by the channel. He replied;

Look Mr. Reporter, the thing is that every night on the dinner table, my father boasts about the no. of reality shows he has done. My mom too after getting incredibly jealous has started judging shows. She too has started boasting about how she spanks a contestant on her show and make them look like 10 year old kids. Judging this show is my way of keeping with the family tradition.

An extremely reliable source tells us, that Farhan literally begged the honchos in Pee TV, to sign him on as a judge. When they didn’t oblige, he is supposed to have bribed them with his father’s earnings.

Rock Kaun also has Ismail Darbar (the unemployed music director) as a judge. On being asked about the show he said,

Since time immemorial, reality shows have been my bread and butter. This show will make sure that I have my Jam too.

(Dairy Prices have ricocheted to the roofs with the recent Baba Ramdev disclosure that Milk has advanced properties which will make all doctors who have scratched their asses for 10 years studying, unemployed. As a result, the organizers of Rock Kaun have decided to give bread-jam instead of bread butter as Ismail’s daily allowance.)

Just when we were about to leave, Ismail Darbar, added;

Maalik deta hai, Main leta huu.
Mallika ko main deta huu, saali woh leti hi nahi

The third judge is Saroj Khan, who was chosen after much contemplation. An Insider (khabri) tells us that she has defeated greats like Alisha Chinai and Malaika Arora Khan in the race for grabbing the ‘the third judge ki kursi’. In the words of that insider:

“The fight was intense, the youngsters at Pee TV rooted for Malaika, while the old-aged people rooted for Alisha. They had to call in a foreign person for the final verdict. That person, was Simon Cowell. He without even looking at the judges, declared that the lady who shows the maximum cleavage will be made the judge. That’s how Saroj Khan was picked.”

We tried to contact her, but she was unavailable for comment.

*We urge you to contact your cable operator to connect Pee TV from your TV Sets. If that fails, don’t worry, I, Sameer Jha, an extremely rational and fair human being would make it available to you through my blog.

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This is again a guest post by my friend Shivansh. He had earlier written a short story called Teenage.

When you know you just haven’t studied,

When you know the hopes of passing are long buried,

A look on the question paper gets you worried.

Then to the rescue comes a friend,

Copying from his paper is the latest trend.

So you go about copying it end to end.

At the end of the paper,

you know you’ve passed.

How much you’ve copied leaves your teacher aghast.

But the joy of passing,

Just by copying,

Leaves you smiling all day long.

-Shivansh

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