Funthusia

Farting is traditionally looked down upon. It is a matter of shame for the person who has extracted the gas. I, Sameer Jha, a rational and a really philosophical thinker wishes to change it using this article.

Now, there is a lot of misinformation about farting that’s being circulated amongst the humans. Firstly, farting is good for your health. It kills the germs of your nose which would not have been killed otherwise. A major percentage of the stench that is evacuated from the farter’s rear is because the germs are getting killed. And their death is pivotal, not only pivotal but also imperative for the well being of your nose.

Farting’s cool. Not in the literal sense. In the literal sense, its hot. But morally and ethically, its cool. So, its time for you to not be a fool and NOT look down upon farting.

Issued in Public Interest by Funthusia.com.

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(Principal’s Office)

It’s a nice and cool room with portraits of people who are atleast 85

years of age.

Principal:

Good Morning Sameer…

(He says this and nods his head which is the same as signalling me to
sit down.)

Principal:

So why do you want to be the head boy?

Sameer (that’s me):

Well for one, I have a head and am not yet a man which implies I am a
boy… It’s pretty simple sir, I think I have the passion, the attitude
to be a roadie… uh… the head boy. It’s my life.

(Asshole doesn’t look amused at my wonderful joke..)

Prinicpal:

Oh okay… I see… What are you hobbies Sameer.

Sameer:

Urm… I like to eat in the class… specially lunches brought by
someone else. And then I love to steal someone else’s notebook.. It’s kinda cool you know.. Steal someone’s notebook… and when you are done with it… keeping it in his/her best friend’s bag.. Genius no… Also…

(I blabber a few more thnings and he seems to be laughing.)

Principal:

Oh I see… You have a good sense of humor. Good Good. Not many people
crack jokes in front of me. It’s good that you are comfortable and confident with your principal.

(WHAAAAAAAAAAT!!! That was the truth. )

Principal:

So sameer… who’s your idol.. the one person you look up to.

Sameer:

Sir.. I am not sure whether you’ll believe me but it’s Vivek Oberoi…
I have become his GREATEST fan ever since I saw his face in that Babool
ad. I mean that was pure genius at work.

Principal:

Oh okay…

(Takes this one seriously bloody nOOb.)

Principal:

Ok Sameer…
Final Question. What are the changes that you as the school
representative will being about in the school?

Sameer:

Firstly, I would make sure that the head boy gets access to one full
plate of tandoori chicken everyday. Now sir this is very important…
To take active part in the activities of the school, the head boy needs
to maintain his health and for that very reason he should be goven
tandoori chicken everyday. I have doctor’s report that tandoori
chicken== good health.

Also sir I’ll not poke my nose into the dirty affairs of others… as I
think the students of this school should be self-dependent,
self-reliant and every other self-realted adjective…

Prinicpal:

Oh I see… with that answer you’ll definitely get a badge.

Sameer:

Oh thank you sir…

(I always knew this from the beginning…)

Principal:

You are surely going to be the dead boy of this school.

Sameer:

Arey mere paise ka kya hua…

Principal:

Chutiye! Dus rupaiye me koi head boy banata hai kya…

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When I was small,

I thought

I shall become a pilot..

But then I was informed…

That I couldn’t become one

Because I had spects…

I then thought,

I’ll become an insurance agent,

But the insurance company got destroyed in an earthquake

and it was not insured against it…

Then I became a teacher

With the hope

Of beating students

That didn’t happen

And the students beat me up…

Then, I decided

I’ll surely become an engineer

But that too was not to be…

I flunked mathematics…

So I joined

POLITICS

And that worked,

I bought votes

I won elections

And now,

I am relaxed..

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My net’s been banned.

So no more posts now… atleast not from me…

Yeah, I know it’s sad but then being in 12th and not studying anything is also sad.

In the meantime, you can read my older posts… They can also be a good read.

Or http://www.funthusia.com/sitemap

Will be back next year… :(,

Sameer Jha

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Sameer had put up an interesting post about avoiding homework and am here to help you guys further as i was too tempted to contribute something…..

Small Kids : A Blessing in Disguise

So this idea struck me when this happened with me by sheer luck. I have a younger brother who’s 9 years younger than me (unofficially in few years he could be my dad given the sheer things he is learning which i never thought of at his age). Once he vomited on my book and it was all ruined…. and i had to buy another book. So it was a really good and valid reason

Can’t make the kid vomit?? Give him some Paint or colors and show him to draw and VOILA!!!! U have a master piece and then you can say  “Err… actually MA’M my brother/sister/nephew/niece tore it/colored over it/ vomited over it/ did potty over it….. ” you can make your imagination as wild as possible

So invite the naughtiest kid ( not related to the word $*X )  over for dinner and get going…..

To be safe….  make sure you have support from your parents…. like give the kid the notebook and go out of the house telling your mom/dad you have some work and he’s playing. Come back and make faces like WHAT THE F**** SCREAM, CRY… Get disappointed etc… etc… and make your parents support you…

So you could ever tell your teacher to ask you parents they won’t lie:P

So avoid the homework and get going…..

PS: Sameer hope you liked the post and won’t SC**W me for not telling you about it

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Standard Answers ab ho gaye poorane. Naye ka zamaana hai bhai…

So here’s presenting a series of posts which will help you avoid that thing called Homework…

Part 1:

The first strategy works like a charm, especially in “MUST SUBMIT NOTEBOOK” cases.

The scenario should be something like:

It’s almost the end of the term and the teachers been asking for everybody’s notebooks. You can’t escape because the teacher is very careful and maintains a list of people not submitting their notebooks.

You also however, cannot submit the notebook… because you’ve not goddamn made it.

So, What to Do:

Worry Not… You’ve just landed at the right place. Now what you’ve got to do is to pretend that you’ve lost your notebook…

“Oh Come On… D’you think she’ll buy that.” you say.

Well, She won’t believe it, if you’re the only guy to lose the notebook… but if 5-10 guys lose theirs, all at once…

She has no option but to believe you.

“How the FCUK are 5-10 guys gonna lose their notebook at once.”

It’s quite easy you know… Here’s what you gotta make sure.

1) I presume you don’t bring more than one notebook to school because you’ve not made anything else. So your bags should be as light as a feather.

2)Be careful while opening the bags which belong to the fairer sex… you might just find something that shifts your attention from the task on hand. And gives you a kick to fantasise unfamiliar territories…

3) Make it quick or people will be conspicous of your absence.

Back to the plan…

This plan (obviously) has to be executed when there’s no one in the class… i.e. in a games period or a library period.

What you’ve gotta do is… Steal some notebooks… students of all genres that is average, good and people like you…

Zero the names of students before hand so that you don’t face any dilemma on the D-DAY.

Open their bags… and take out the specific notebook.

And keep ‘em in your bag… Make sure that the stolen notebook would not be used again that day. Your bag will be a bit on the heavier side but that’s the price you gotta pay.

After you’re done “Take a Deep Breath…”

And go back to the place where you’re supposed to be and talk to as many kids as possible.

Next Day:

Start looking worried and make it clear to “the concerned Ma’am” …

“Uh…Ma’am I can’t find my … uh… notebook. I had it in my bag yesterday… But Now, It’s not there..”

Others will start talking too…

“Yes ma’am… My notebook is also lost.”

“Mine Also… Mine Also…”

So… Take a deep breath and suggest.

“Ma’am I think someone has stolen it… We should check the bags…”

And Voila!! The pandemonium has been created… Thou shalt have single-handedly wasted a period.

Moreover, you have readymade notes for your own perusal at the time of exams…

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