Funthusia

Reason 1:

One of the major lessons that needs to be taught to a child is to work in a team. Not cheating in exams helps prevent that very team-spirit.

You see, Everyone gets to play their part… 5 students study 5 different subjects. And each of them, show others the answer paper of the one subject they’ve studied in return for seeing the answer papers of four subjects that they’ve not studied.

Reason 2:

“Child is the father of the man.”
-William Wordsworth.

Very true, and we need to train a person at a tender age so that they can grow up to become better and responsible human beings.

And in a country like India, where terrorism is a major problem… A child needs to be taught the postulates of combating terrorism.

And as, High level alertness is the whole and soul of combating terrorism. The child surely needs to be taught as to how to be alert.

Encouraging them to copy in high security exams… they’ll know everything about being alert and also hiding from the public eye. This very knowledge will go a long way in helping them stop terrorists.

Reason 3:

Besides the above two reasons, cheating also helps a child plan and manage. Which is exactly what big people are taught at Management institutes.

Lemme Explain how, In papers involving multiple choice questions, the planning of few of the kids that I’ve had the good luck of meeting are mind boggling…

For (a) : Put finger in the right ear.
For (b) : Put finger in the left ear.
For (C) : Put finger in the nose.
For (d) : Put pen in the mouth.

So it is very obvious that if kids can talk in such complex code language at this tender age… then they’ll do great service to the indian military in the future.

Afterall, breaking and making codes is literally a child’s play for them.

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I got nothing to write,
for this blog today, Churning out interesting posts,
is no child’s play.

But hey,
I am not a child,
but still rey…
I am really blank today.

But then I thought,
70% of the writers write about
“I have nothing to write about… so am writing about
that peculiar feeling…”

But That doesn’t hold true for me
Coz one…
Am not a writer,
Two…
I am frustrated and the feeling is not peculiar…

So what Am I doing..?
Writing about… “I got nothing to
write on…
but I hate writing on that topic…
So am just whiling away my time…”

But did i not just tell that I am not a writer…
Hehe… I am typer.

Phew…
If this poem…uh… piece of philosophical shit
made any sense to you…
then please let me know…
Coz you are the reincarnation of…
“Aristotle The Great..”
Or was that Socrates…??

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Rahul Bajaj had a dream., he wanted to be like Nikhil Arora. He developed a Nikhil Arora walk and a Nikhil Arora talk.

But Nikhil Arora instead wanted to be like Karan Kapoor. So, he made it a point to atleast physically resemble Karan Kapoor. He started wearing the kind of clothes similar to the ones worn by Karan Kapoor.

So, Rahul Bajaj wnded up walking and talking like Nikhil Arora in the attire of Karan Kapoor.

And karan Kapoor was himself a very big impersonator of Tenzing Burai. Karan’s every move was in itself nothing more than an attempted imitation of Tenzing Burai.

As a result Nikhil Arora’s attire was not really Karan Kapoor’s but Tenzing Burai’s.

And coming back to, Rahul Bajaj- He ended up walking and talking like Nikhil Arora in the attire of a guy called Tenzing Burai… mixed with inputs from Karan Kapoor.

Tenzing Burai, instead was inspired by quite a few people in a quite a few no. of things… Hairstyle, exactly like Ramesh Kulkarni’s… The Ishant Jadeja Accent… The Aneesh Sharma stubble… The Jaspreet Singh Tie… Mahesh Tawade Socks… Rajen Malhotra Belt… etc. etc.

Now, even God doesn’t know who exactly is Rahul Bajaj resembling.

PS: Inspired from a chicken soup for the soul story… Don’t remember which one. So if by any stroke of luck you do, please let me know.

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This was written by me when I was in 9th standard. My best friend after reading this stole my lunch box… He didn’t think that a person who is as foolish as me should eat. Also, the “Kaun hai bai” (rhymes with bombay) Police has paid me 3 lakhs to use this material for torturing the really dangerous terrorists of TODA and FADA.

Sun shining is very important for making hay, because hay making is as scientific a process as the fertilization of gametes. After reading this article you’ll know why…

Hay in terms of a man who is lay, means:- “Yellow Grass…”

Now making that is not easy. It requires continued perseverance and immensely huge amounts of hardwork.

My brother once asked me:

“But can’t you just paint it yellow… rang de basanti..”

“Nopesy”

“Why not? It’ll turn yellow.”

“So…”

“It’ll be yellow grass…”

“But hay is not just yellow… it’s also dry… you ASS!”

So as you may have guessed, Hay is not just yellow… but also dried… so both the factors have to be kept in the mind.

So what do you do first? Dry it or yellow it.

My suggestion would be to yellow it. Because if you dry green grass, it will automatically become yellow… Hai Na.

But the vice-versa is not possible.

So what do you do, to dry it… Don’t worry I’ll give some ossum tips…

Tip No. 1

Go to your gujarati neighbour and ask her to feed you. Trust me… the amount of dhoklas and theplas that you’ll consume is sure to make you produce lots of heat in terms of fart. Now heat is good for drying you know…

Tip No. 2:

Watch a few IPl matches. The cheerleaders are hot enough to produce some serious heat… And heat is falways good for drying i say.

Tip No. 3:

If by any chance, you get sick of all this and get the great indian headache… Don’t even think of using navratna tel to get rid of it… why? coz it’s thanda thanda cool cool ( Cold Cold cool cool) and will neutralise all the hard work done by the cheetleading babes and your gujarati aunty…

Tip No. 4:

To end it all, keep reading my blog… coz’ the insanity of my posts is going to fry your bheja and that in turn will generate loads of heat… and you require heat na..

So hey, make hay while the sun shines… coz there’s not a greater source of heat than sun.

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Jeffrey Archer was scheduled to be in Infiniti Mall, Andheri… at 7 pm yesterday.

Next thing, I told my Mom…

“Mummy… Jeffrey Archer is coming to Mumbai today and I want to go…”

“Jeffrey Archer…who Jeffrey Archer…”

“The writer mom… those english novels that you see there are written by him.”

“Oh… Why do you want go then… buy the book.”

“Mom… this is one guy I really love… And want to meet.”

“But that doesn’t mean you’ll go all the way to Andheri… You’ve never been there… And mumbai is not a safe city… Anyone else coming with you.”

“No mom… No one appreciates the genius of Jeffrey Archer… and those who do are girls… and I can’t ask them out.”

After much fighting and shiting… I finally managed to convince mom about this going shoing…

But by the time I left I had no idea as to how far Andheri was from my place…  I left at 5:00 pm and the whole journey and my struggle to be there by 7:00 pm  was a toned down version of Johnny Depp’s “Nick of Time.”

So many… “Ah! I’ll make it safely now… before 7..”

and “Shit!! Am gonna be so late… that by the time I reach there tall guys infront of me, would not let me see..” moments, that I have  almost lost count.

Finally, I made it… That too on time…

But the tall guys were still there… Obstructing  me from seeing archer…

Slowly, I moved to the front row of standing people. You see the point, It is damn advantageous to be as  thin as I am.

Now without further ado.. I’ll move straight to the point. Lord Jeffrey Archer as he was referred to… really showed us why he was one of the bestselling authors in the world.

He began with his writing schedule… and he went on to some really interesting topics without breaking anyone’s attention even for a microsecond.

“You can be No. 1 in the new york times, No. 1 in the daily mail, no. 1 in the sydeny herald… but the real success is when they sell you at the traffic signals of India…”

Ah… I am sentimental.

“My first novel ‘Not a penny more, Not a penny less’ got rejected 17 times by different publishers… now that’s one thing I’ve beat Jk Rowling at.. her Harry Potter was rejected only 15 times…”

WTF!! :-O

“Honesty in writing is writing what you like and not what you think people will like.”

Very true… Refer to my Sattar Minute post to believe it.

“The boys are not gonna be very pleased… But from what i have seen in India, girls are smarter.”

Sir… the boys know they are smart.. it’s only the girls who need a little bit of encouragement…

“Twenty 20 is not cricket… Cricket is a match between India and England at lords with India 23/7… Tendulkar not… Dravid Not… Ganguly not…”

And Kumble Century Sir…

“I never thought I’d say this… But after seeing you guys… I’d have to say that the italians are cautious people… I guess we have killed 23 people in order to be here.”

Lolz..

“An interviewer once said to me… “I’ll never be able to sell 100 million copies sir… so I’ll just write a book that gets me a booker prize.’ “

More Lolz..

“Thank you… Thanks for coming.”

That’s all he said…to me. Said that it to everyone but still it means a lot to me…

Then came the autograph part… and I did some really stupid ingenious things which I am pretty sure you would not want to know…

Kya, you want to know… So here I go…

1) I have a bad habit… which didn’t seem bad until yesterday. I autograph the books that I buy with quotes like…

“Late to be and Late to rise, makes a woman funny sexy and nice..”

Now, yesterday… the book that I got autographed was already autographed by me. So his autograph went on top. On the brighter note… Me and Archer share a page.

2) Psst… Old books were not allowed. You had to buy it from the store where the event took place. I did not want to spent that much money so I got a 50 bux fountain novel in… and he signed it… woah.

Ingenious No.

Ciao, Tschuss, Alvida, Adios, Au Revoir, etc. etc. [good showoff na]

Sameer Jha

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Thing to do no. 1:

Get up from the desk… Pop your eyes like a frog… and slowly walk upto her. When she asks as to what the matter is… Give her a tight slap on her cheeks… Tell her… You did not want to do it… but the provocation was too much to stand.

Thing to do no. 2:

If it’s a science lecture… Tell her that if only and only if (Newton/ Darwin/ Rutherford’s) father had used a physical contraceptive device like Kandome… we would not have been subjected to this one helluva torture.

Thing to do no. 3:

If you want to do something more sober… Make long distance conversations from one corner to the other corner…

Boy in corner 1: What a bore this lady is na?

Boy in corner 2 : Seriously, this is more boring than seeing Dravid and Jaffer bat.

Boy in corner 1 should laugh loudly and with a lot of what we say zabardasti. After that he says… “OMG! Boy in corner 2… you are so very funny… Muhahahahahaha…”

Boy in Corner 2 makes it very clear to the cocerned lecturer that due to the abnormal torture of her course material boy in corner 1 is finding lame jokes funny.

Thing to do No. 4

Take a thumbs up bottle… throw it out of the window… and run out of the door to catch it… bring it back… they both would look the same… and this would get you really popular with the lame girls.

Thing to do No. 5

Write an apology letter…coz if you even try one of these you are very likely to be kicked out of the school… A good apology will make sure that you can have the cake and eat it too.

Tell me if you try any of these.

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Well… er… eh… read for yourself.

Sattar minute hai tumhare paas
shayad
tumhari zindagi ke sabse antim
sattar minute
aaj tum kisi ko chodo ya nahiin..
yeh sattar minute tumhe
zindagi bhar yaad rahenge

Toh kaise chodna hai
Yeh toh tumhe experience karke hi malloom hoga
main bas itna kahunga
ki jaao
aur yeh sattar minute
jee bhar ke chodlo

kyunki iske baad aane wale zindagi mein
chaahe kuch ho ya na ho…
kuch rahe ya na rahe…
yeh sattar minute ka sex tumhe bahut satisfaction dega..
bahut satisfaction..
bahut saara

toh
maine socha ki
Main tumhe yeh na kahoon ki tumhe kaunsa condom
use karna hai
koi bhi karo…
par australian na karna (salaam namaste nahi dekhi kya)…
kya pata jaate jaate tum apni nishaani chhod jaao

toh jaao
jaao aur apne aap se
iss zindagi se
apne khuda se
aur har uss insaan se jisne tumhe
tumhe choda nahi ho
apne sattar minute mein unko chod lo…

How’s it eh?

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unkownid_cooldude:

Heya!

Sameer:

Hey

unkownid_cooldude:

Dude u own funthusia..?

Sameer:

Yeah! I kinda do..

unknownid_cooldude:

Cool blog man… you are realllyyy talented…

Sameer:

Danke Danke…

unknownid_cooldude:

What?

Sameer:

Well Danke means thanks in german…

unknownid_cooldude:

Oh… Lol… I thought something else…

Sameer:

Dude… if you like my blog… why don’t you subscribe to its feed..

unknownid_cooldude:

Hmm..No…

Sameer:

Why Why?? :-O

unknownid_cooldude:

See, I don’t subscribe to feeds… I come and check your blog everyday… So why do I need to subscribe to its feed…

Sameer:

Thanks dude… but I need readers…

unknownid_cooldude:

What!! I am not a reader… Yeh toh meri beizzati ho gayi…

Sameer:

Uff..

unknownid_cooldude:

I am fed up of this feed thing…

Sameer:

See… I know you’re a reader but I can’t show it off… ya know. I need readers to somewhat establish my credibility…

unknownid_cooldude:

But what is the GODDAMN use… of subscribing to a feed…

Sameer:

Psst..you get updated if there’s any new content on my blog…

unknownid_cooldude:

Okay… so why do you need to update me when I check your blog everyday…

Sameer:

To get Feed Readers…

unknownid_cooldude:

I dunno what it really means…

Sameer:

See… There are people who subscribe to your feed… using RSS… or through email… These are called Feed Readers…

unknownid_cooldude:

I know email… but what’s RSS…

Sameer:

That’s something which helps readers read your feed…

unknownid_cooldude:

Dude… I think you should stick to blogging… don’t do this…

Sameer:

Do what?

unknownid_cooldude:

This feed thing…

Sameer:

But it’s a part of blogging…

unknownid_cooldude:

What part…

Sameer:

Feed part…

unknownid_cooldude:

Lol… It’s not RSS…

Sameer:

It is RSS

unknownid_cooldude:

I meant… It’s not Really Simple Suckah…

This is a work of fiction… Totahlly..

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Shashi Kapoor:

Bhai! Mujhe iss paper pe aapka sign chahiye… woh kya hai ki ipl ke baad corporates invest kar rahe hai Indian gangster league mein… aur uske liye who tumhe sign karna chahte hai mere bhai…

Amitabh Bachchan:

Aur agar maine sign nahi kiya toh…

Shashi Kapoor:

Bhai Aap sign karte ho ki nahi…

Amitabh Bachchan:

Sign chahiye tumhe… haii… Jaao pehle uss aadmi ka sign lekar aao… jo roz subah mere ghar ke saamne rakhi hui doodh ki thaili phhad kar jaata hai… jaao pehle uska sign lekar aao… jo roz morning mein mere times of india (mumbai mirror free) ko uthakar Punjab Kesari rakh deta hai… Jaao pehle us aadmi ka sign lekar aao jisne yeh bhaddi joke likhi hai… mere bhai… phir tum jis paper se sign karne ke liye kahoge main sign kar doonga…

Shashi Kapoor:

Bhai… Yeh sab kaam toh maine hi kiya hai… Yeh rahi meri sign… Ab aapko sign karna hi padega…

Amitabh Bachchan:

Mujhe kyun… Abhishek ko bolo… Acting ke saath meri sign ki bhi acchhi copy karta hai…

Shashi Kapoor:

Bhai… aapko pata nahi abhishek ash ke saath ash kar raha hai… aur vivek aur salman ka jiya jalke ash ho gaya hai…

Amitabh Bachchan:

Haaiinn… Aur maine ab bhi sign nahi kiya toh…

Shashi Kapoor:

Toh bhai mujhe majbooran aapko aapki hi film jhoom barabar jhoom dikhaani padegi…

Amitabh Bachchan:

Oh My God!! Batao kahaan sign karna hai…

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Teacher:

Sameer! You need to cut your hair.

Sameer:

But it’s small Ma’am.

Teacher:

What Small? it should be Crew Cut…If by tomorrow you don’t cut your hair then I’ll cut it myself.

Sameer:

Sure Ma’am…You can cut it yourself. I never object to people cutting their hair.

Teacher:

Not my hair…I’ll cut your hair myself.

Sameer:

Why would you take such pains Ma’am.

Teacher:

Because your hair is big.

Sameer:

Ma’am I know many people get this urge…to quit their job and take up a new job…But ma’am I seriously think that you should stick to teaching. Afterall, being a barber doesn’t pay a lot.

Teacher (gets really angry):

How dare you call me a barber…  I am taking this stuff to the principal. He will set you right.

Sameer:

Ma’am India is a democracy right.

Teacher:

yes…But it is in the school rules that you need to cut your hair reguarly.

Sameer:

Not if it hurts your Religious sentiments…

Teacher:

But that’s only for Sikhs…I think. And you’re a hindu.

Sameer:

Well In India you can convert.

Teacher:

There must be some rites and rituals required to convert to Sikhism.

Sameer:

Well I am not converting to Sikhism…I am converting to another religion called Jhaatusim and there you have no need for rituals….Muhahahahaha…

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