Funthusia

Lo…And Behold…

I am just about to predict your future by gazing into my eh…non-mentionable ball.

So Be ready to read the TRUTH…Muhahahahahahaha…

Aries:

Ah…What can I say? Your wife’s gonna run away with your driver…Yippeee…For ladies I hate to break this, but your husband only runs to reduce his weight. To do other stuff he saves his energy by just walking.

Taurus:

From this moment Rakhi Sawant and her really ossum and saxy song “Dekhta Hai Tuu Kya” from Krazzy 4 will feature in all of your dreams.  Also you’ll kick yourself for not watching Bigg Boss: Kadi Nazar Solid Assar..

Gemini:

You’ll realise that youe best friend or roommate has started following the homosexual alternate way of life. So be scared and be very scared…Unless and until you too see the world with a different eye…

Cancer:

D’oh…In this week you’ll try Shahnaz Hussain’s Fair One for Men to get fair…See Shahnaz Hussain herself to get an idea of what you’ll resemble after one week. Muhahahahahaha….

Leo:

You’ll be very lucky this week…You will be labeled a Dyslexic…and hey guess what…the Taare Zameen Par effect will make a lot of people sympathetic with you.

Virgo:

Dude…I pity your luck. Firstly, according to the Hindi name of your Zodiac you are a “Kanya” even though you belong to the masculine sex…Heehaw. And if that humiliation wasn’t enough you’ll barf in your class/office and the puke’s gonna decorate your teacher/boss.

PS: Rest of the Zodiac’s covered tomorrow…

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This is a guest post by my former classmate and friend Shivansh… This is the first guest post on my blog so I am feelin’ gooood now…

It was 3.27 in the morning, as I casually glanced at the clock and got out of bed to pee. I was glad I didn’t have to wake up to the alarm next morning. I was free of it all. No more school, no more Mum yelling at me for studying, no more tuitions. “Ah! This is life…” I thought to myself. I was glad and I could see the wide smile on my face in the mirror. But now I didn’t want to sleep. Yes, why would I sleep? I had always wanted to see the “adult” magazine I had stolen from Dad’s desk.

I dashed to my closet and drew from the lower most shelf, an old copy of some magazine. The name was ‘Man’s World’. It was safely hidden between two old shirts of mine, away from Mum’s reach. I did enjoy that book but again got bored very soon, looking at the pictures of models posing in bikini.

Now I wanted to do something different. Maybe have fun on the phone. Yea I think I would have loved that. So I quickly got to the phone and dialed whatever numbers came to my mind. The bell rang for over 15-20 seconds and then an old woman picked it up. In a shrilled voice, she said “Hellooo” and I got scared out of my wits. She seemed like the old woman in the movie ‘Haunted House’. I put the receiver down and got my breath back.

But still I couldn’t be stopped by an old woman. So I, again picked up the receiver and dialed my friend’s number. After many rings his Mom picked up. I said “Hastala Vista, Baby” and put the phone down. This made me laugh and smile for over a minute. I enjoyed doing it, disturbing people at night for no apparent reason. It sure was fun. I, again called up another number, one which I dint know. As soon as the girl picked up, I said “I love you”. Listening to a childish voice, she said “Love you too sweety”. Both of us laughed for quite some time. She then asked me, what I was doing at this time in the night. I told her I didn’t want to sleep. Very soon we struck a chord and started chatting. I was enjoying the conversation, explaining to her why I fought with Rahul, when suddenly I heard some noise from outside. I quickly noted down the number of that girl and told her that I would chat with her later. I thought for some time, “what could that noise could be?” Then it clicked to me, that it could be the thief on the prowl.

Now I was reminded of my friend Nikhil who claimed to be Sherlock Homes because he once caught the boy in school who stole his pencil. I thought this was my chance to prove to him that I was better. I quickly brought my night vision goggles and a hockey stick and set out on a mission… to nab the thief in my house.

I picked up the gunny bag lying on the floor and brought a rope from the toilet. Well equipped to catch the thief red handed I swiftly got to the kitchen from where I could get a clear view of the thief. As I moved into the kitchen, I stepped on Bravo, my pet dog, who was lying right near the door. He scowled but didn’t bark. I asked him to stay calm and pushed him deeper inside the kitchen.

Now I brought my attention back to the living room. I peeped out of the kitchen and what I saw made me giggle. I saw the thief watching TV sitting on the couch. After a soft laugh to myself I got the gunny bag and leaped towards the man. But somehow he turned back and to my utter shock was my very own FATHER!!!

I said “Dad, what are you watching at this time?” Saying this I looked at the TV where I saw Jenna Jameson stripping…

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Ever since I was a kid,

I had a dream,

I really wanted to have long hair,

Very Very long hair.

I found it really cool,

But sadly it was…

Not allowed in my school.

Everytime my hair

touched my ears,

My teacher used to force me to cut it…

and even said that my hair was like a grizzly bear.

I tried to explain it to her that,

I don’t see a negative point in having big hair

Any interference by school

is so not fair.

It’s ironic actually,

that certain things we do

in the name of discipline

are so very contradictory…

We iron our shirts…to look good.

And we cut our hair…to (er…according to me) not look good.

India is a democracy,

And forcing any child to…

cut his hair is a blatant violation of that very Democracy…

There’s more I have to say,

But that’d be in my next post…

Anyways, concluding the poem

I’d say

This rule is a son of a nut…

What’s the friggin’ point in having a haircut.

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After the much commented first post about my times in Manipal…Here comes the second one.
Manipal Media Students Convention (Day 2):

It began with Kiran “??????” Jonnalagadda…His lecture was what we call in common parlance a “Bouncer”…Either he was talking Hebrew or my mind had become so primitive for that period that I couldn’t recept English. If anyone can give me a brief summary then please do.

Now we had a guy called Nishant Shah,

He began with a dhamaka….

(Shah and Dhamaka are the poorest forms of rhyme we have ever seen…)

He pulled off a reallyy intelligent stunt by calling all laptop users infront…It helped… As for his speech, he said something about False Binaries which I loved when I heard it…but sadly I have forgotten what they mean…So any soul who can tell me what it is, please comment.

Yash Chawla’s presentation was very good…He had a very concept and he had even done a survey in his college…which was really commendable. Now only if he hadn’t used the 99 year old quote of “A glass half empty or half full…”. I would have loved to believe that his was the most unique presentation.

A certain Paranjoy Guha Thakurta made a brilliant speech about intervention of technology in the lives of a journalist. I agree with everything that you said sir…

One of the liked presentations of MMSC was Lawrence Liang’s…I really liked the amount of facts unveiled and the “Woah…” factor of his paper on “Why New Media is not really New…”. On the downside, I think he had stretched certain information to the extent that, even chewing gums would get embarrassed.

So that’s it for this two piece report on MMSC…

During the convention, I also didn’t get the oppurtinity to thank a few people who were really instrumental in making this “Manipal” experience a fruitful and a memorable one.

Anadi : Thanks for reminding me about MMSC’ and most of all answering all the “OMG…It’s so damn obvious” questions of mine. Thanks Man!

Ram: You had commented on a poem(Online at 4:00 am) that I had written…saying that MMSC is for people like me. You may have said the same thing on 200 other blogs but it meant a lot for me. And yeah, thanks for that wonderful intro before my presentation…

Ami: For being my tour-coordinator and yeah for complimenting my blog…Keep reading it…The humor’s developed from 4 years of reading JAM…
Sonali: Thanks for showing me around the college and yeah, for commenting on my last post…And for the LAPTOP…Couldn’t have done my presentation without it…:grin:

Ragamalika: Thanks for making that call and yeah I must add you have the second best voice in India…The best is of a certain guy whose initials are SJ…
Priyam, Anoop, Yash and the other delegates:

Thanks for being such a good company…And special mention of Anoop coz’ he financed my lunch for a day… The 500 bucks scare was really scary though dude…

Joe, Satchi, Pavi, Sonali and everyone else from the Hospitality:

Even though I didn’t have long conversations with y’all I still respect the fact that you people saved me from that journey to the pub…
Venkat:

How can I forget this guy…He was the guy who settled me into my hostel room and was there while I was leaving Ninth Block…Thanks Dude!!

I know I’ve forgotten someone…Please lemme know if that’s you…

Anyways, I see a lot of MICians reading this post coz it’s related to MMSC…My message to them would be to read up a few more stuff on my blog and comment…I am sucker for readers…And I hope MMSC helped me get atleast a few…

No more sequels of this post,

Sameer Jha

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I begin with the Train Journey (I can’t afford flight) that took me to a small station called Udupi.

Towards MMSC:

Do you remember the time when you made your first train journey on your own. Well I do.

To begin with, I started SMSing my friends that I’ve departed and I’ll miss them.

Rest of the train journey was boring.

Though, in the later part of the journey. I was informed that a guy called Shaz is going to pick me up. He did pick me up and even said that I have a nice blog.
Thanks Shaz, It made me feel good even though I am not sure whether you really meant it.

Manipal Media Student’s Convention(Day 1):

I guess, I have bored you guys enough wih my train journey so without further ado, I’ll get to the reason for this long (felt short) trip to Manipal i.e. MMSC ( though the certificate and the free food were major factors… )

First on the list, was Aditya Mhatre with a workshop on Podcasting. This one was the best of both the days. The fact that Funthusia’s gonna very soon have a podcast category says a lot of things.
Next was Annie *YAWN* Zaidi…She just read out from a paper. …And anyways, It was about Journalism in blogging which I think is a waste of time.

Then came Chandrahas “I look like Matt Damon” Choudhury. One very good point about his speech was the comfort level that he shared with the audience. He had something to say on “Blogging and Literature” which was extremely relevant to me and I listened intently for advise. I didn’t get a great one. He just commented on the trends that exist and if it’s good or bad.
After Damon was, a cool guy called Peter Griffin. He asked us all for a cause that we believed in. Anyways, I forgot the start, middle and end of his presentation so kindly enlighten me if you do.

My Presentation :

It began with a nice intro by Ram saying that “This guy’s just 16 and he has a successful blog.” Man not really successful I say but then, thanks a ton.

I had to present a paper on “Why Bloggers Quit Blogging” …

Reason 1: Excessive Expectations from Adsense…

Many blog to earn money and if they cannot they just quit blogging. So my recommendation is to not use Adsense. I was quite successful in proving this point.

I asked “How many of you have ever clicked on an AD!?”

Only one hand shot up. That was really satisfying. These were bloggers using adsense and they haven’t clicked on an Ad.

Reason 2: Use of Blogger

Now since the majority of the people were blogger users, so i had a tough time convincing these people about shifting to wordpress. Dudes…Blogger sometimes can be a sole reason for a blog being unsuccessful.

MITians supported me with this. (Some bloggers from MIT rock big time)..

Anyways, for the blogger users…I need to ask this.

If given a chance between a Nokia N91 and a Nokia 1100 model, what would you choose if they both cost the same.

It’s not personal preference dude it’s features. And blogger is like a goddamn black and white phone which doesn’t come cheaper than a high end cell (wordpress)…

All on for arguments and yeah wait for my next part,

Sameer Jha

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“Why am I here?” I said, the movement of my lips had sent a shock of pain to my head…

“Hmm…I think I should be the one asking questions. How much do you earn per year?”

“16 lakhs p.a. with taxes”

“You know that in a country like India, you can feed around 100 families for a month with that money.”

“So…”

“How many do you feed.”

“Ur…eh…One” I said feeling a bit guilty.

“Do you listen him brothers. He feeds just one family when he can feed many. Don’t you agree that he has to pay for what he has done…He has to…Mr. Devang, you will pay a check of Rs.Fifty One Lax in favour of Gaffer Dresses.”

“What…51 Lakhs??? I can’t afford that much…”

“Take loans…Beg, Borrow, Steal, Just pay up, else you die.”

The next thing I knew was signing a cheque of 51 lakhs.

***

The next time I reached the undisclosed part of Gaffer Dresses, my wounds were somewhat healed. At least the bedsheets on which I slept were not getting stained with blood anymore. The leader of the pack was called Masud Gaffer.

“So you brought the cheque.” He said

“Uh…Yes”

“Hmmm…Good.”

“What will you do to me now?”

“Kill you ofcourse.”

“But why?”

“Because you’ve exploited us enough…Couldn’t you pay a fraction of your earning to feed a family.”

“But we pay to the charity and that in turn feeds many .”

“I ain’t taking any of that…Charity guys are bloody motherfuckers. They earn money in our name. I am going to kill them someday too.”

Silence surrounded us for a while.

“ Where does this money go…The money I paid just now.”

“What this money…It goes to the homeless…starved families.”

“None of it goes to you?”

“No…I don’t do this for money.”

“Then why do you do it?”

“I do it for respect…rich bastards like you will never get it’s meaning.”

“You’ll get respect by killing me right.”

“Yes!”

“What if I run away from this country and you tell everyone that you’ve killed me. You can still have the respect.”

“What if you don’t run?”

“You’ve scared me enough to make me run away. I won’t be getting any sleep if I don’t run.”

“Okay…But why should I leave you…I want to kill you as much as any one of us.”

“What if I pay you five lakhs… in cash. Now…”

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One fine Day,

I made a Blog,

I did not want to make it on say,

A free host like Blogger or Wordpress…

So with the help of a friend,

I decided to buy a domain,

And some webspace to go with that.

Now I had a blog,

And I promoted it,

Mainly by commenting on other blogs,

Spamming Orkut, telling my friends, etcetera etcetera

After a few days,

When I felt my blog had some content

I asked a webmaster to link me up…

On his blogroll that is…

He asked me my page rank,

I was not sure about mine.

So I checked,

I checked mine and I checked the other webmaster’s…

I said, “Dude! I got a better PR than you…mine is 1 and yours is 6…”

I was chatting with him so he gave me an emoticon (smiley)…

The “Rolling on the floor laughing” emoticon,

I knew I had done something stupid.

I then understood the real meaning of PR,

It’s about backlinks to your site,

And the higher your PR,

The better your site

According to Google’s wonderful search engine…

I still hate the concept,

But I guess I have to live with it…

Sadly, The prime need for SEOing your site…

Is improving your pagerank…

My PR is still 1…

And I don’t know of a concrete plan of how to improve it…

If you can help by putting me in your blogroll,

Please do…

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Seema:

“Love is for Novels, Ishaan…and films…actually all kinds of stories.”

Ishaan:

“Huh..Stuff like “Love is for novels and films…” is mainly found in novels and films.”

Seema:

“What…I didn’t get you.”

Ishaan:

“It’s funny actually, because more often than not…when someone refers to the films…the referrer is in a film.”

Seema:

“It’s the same with novels and any kinds of stories…Stories referring to other kinds of stories.”

Ishaan:

“Yeah…And if you get to know about someone talking about stories it’s mainly in a story and we are talkin’ about stories so it’s most probable that we too are a part of some imaginary story.”

Seema

“So this is a story.”

Ishaan:

“Yeah…It’s a story we are in…”

Seema:

“But dude…Story has a conflict…A resolution.”

Ishaan:

“You just said the conflict…that the story doesn’t have a conflict. I am opposed to that. And that creates a conflict between the two of us.”

Seema:

“Nice observation. Now how do you resolve that conflict?”

Ishaan:

“Um…The fact that you agree that the conflict exists and the fact that the story writer is getting a bit lazy for making you to oppose more is a testimony to the fact that the conflict has been resolved.”

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Before you read this I am sure you would like to check out Simply Messaging Someone 1.0 .
The only relation is that both are a series of messages and the story is told through these messages.

Varun:

Hey, where r u?
Why dint u reply to d msg I sent last nite…

Deepali:

Listen…Today only I joined Satish Tutorials so slept early y’day…am in a boring lecture now..

Varun:

Lol…btw which subj lecture is goin’ on now?

Deepali

It’s a/c…:-(…Bank reconciliation statement…I can’t understand anythin’…

Varun:

Hmm…Stop paying attention then. It’s no use. Who else is der wid you?

Deepali:

Tanay, Sachet, Kiran & Isha…neways where are you now?

Varun:

Am at my house…alone…so was watching a movie.

Deepali:

Vyom dahling, listen…can you meet me at Ohri’s @ 7 in d eve.

Varun:

K Sweetie…I’ll b there 4 sure…

Deepali:

This mobile has been taken from the owner by Satish Tutorials for use during Lectures.

Varun:

Stop Kidding Deepali…A tutorial wouldn’t have informed me abt the confiscation…

Deepali:

LMAO…LOL…Am Tanay dude and Deepali had given me this mobile to call up my mom. I forgot to return it to her and she forgot to ask…

Varun:

Really..Nice trick dude…You never let yourself know…

Deepali:

MUHAHAHA…Varun, you can catch my bluff once but you can’t catch it twice..:-))

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Now this is something I’ve heard quite a few times and I’m sure yould have hard of it too… This post will tell you what to do in such situations.

Teacher: Sameer, you bunked tutions today. Why?

Sameer: Ma’am, Aman told me that we don’t have to go to tution today.

Teacher: Aman will tell you to jump in the well, will you jump?

Sameer: Sorry Ma’am.

After half an hour or so..

Teacher: Sameer, did you do the Homework…

Sameer: No Ma’am…why do I do it?

Teacher: Because I said.

Sameer: You will tell me to jump in the well and I will jump.

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